Wednesday, July 30, 2014

A Few Ways to Entice Your Man and Still Be Submissive

There is a rumor floating around that men have a higher sex drive than women.  I beg to differ, I know a lot of women who have a higher sex drive than their partner.  If you are one of these women, I feel your pain.

It is really difficult to cope with.  If you are one of the women who have to fend your husband off, well, you're lucky and this post doesn't apply to you.

If your partner's libido is lower than yours it isn't just the lack of sex that gets to you. Usually caresses, hugs and kisses dwindle down too.  If your advances are rebuffed, it hurts.  When you hear women complaining about how their man wants sex too much you wonder what in the hell is wrong, is it you, is it him?

It makes you question your desirability.  It makes you wonder if your partner is having an affair.  It makes you doubt your own worth.  So let's break it down...

Do you still have at least some sex?  Is it good when you do have it?  If yes, then your partner DOES desire you so we're off to a good start.  (If no, you will have to look for the root cause, is it a physical problem, an addiction to porn, etc.  In that case, this post may not help, or you may have already tries these tips.)

1) Let Go of Your Doubts, Your Insecurities.  I got the best advice from an old boyfriend.  He was a Marine (Semper Fi, baby) and when he came home on leave I had gained some weight (God, I'd love to see that number on my scales now, but at the time I was self conscious about it.)  I was protesting the removal of my shirt due to my weight and what I thought was an unattractive belly when he took my hand and pressed it against his erection.  He said, "when a man is trying to make love to you and he's as hard as this?  He finds you attractive."  So even if the frequency is not as often as you'd like, if your man is aroused by you - he is attracted to you.  Let that sink in for a moment. He is attracted to you.  (If you doubt me you can check out this link on Reddit.)

2) Do the Little Things First.  If he needs a clean house for peace of mind, if he thinks you are sexy when you wear dresses, if he needs quiet time to unwind before jumping into the chaos that is your life, give him that first.  Have him sit down and put his feet up before dinner.  Yes, I know you've been working all day too, but this is about helping him want sex - it helps him get his head in the game.  Listen when he talks, but don't demand a conversation.  If he's had a hard day at work, he may not want to re-hash it now that he is finally home.  Offer to give him a massage before bed, don't be discouraged if he falls asleep during it - you are helping him relax and if he is stressed he won't be thinking of sex.  Yes, these little things may not lead directly to the bedroom, but I promise this will lead to more sex in the long run.  

3) Seduce Him.  He doesn't always have to be the one to initiate.  If he protests, usually you can silence that by slowly unzipping his pants, especially if you drop to your knees when you do so.  Sometimes, it is nice for him to relinquish control, to be ravished, to be so hot that his woman can't stop herself from tearing his clothes off.  Pick your timing on this one, you don't want to try this when he is leaving for an important meeting at work (his mind is already in that conference room) but it should work out well.  Push him back onto the bed and tell him to just lie there and take it.  Take your time, re-learn his body with your hands, your mouth, your hair.  Make sure you verbalize that his body is turning you on, a breathy moan, or a "God, you're so hot" will work - just make sure he knows that you are enjoying what you are doing.  Husband can usually only take so much before taking control, so if your man is dominant he probably won't lay still for you the entire time, but long enough to get the fire started.

4) Figure Out His Buttons.  Remember the last time you made him moan or call your name (or whatever way he signals to you that you are blowing his mind- husband has a tendency to say "Holy Fuck") or clenched the sheets with his fists?  You know how we replay something that he did that really tripped our trigger?  Well I guarantee he has something that you did on replay too - your job is to figure out what his triggers are and do them again, often.  We submissive wives love the dominance but what does he love, what makes him crazy, what makes him think about you doing it for days afterwards?

5) Blow-jobs.  Yes there is a rare man or two out there who doesn't like them, but the majority love them.  Do it without any interest (or expressed interest anyway) of reciprocation.  Do it just for him.  And while we are on the subject, how are your skills? Personally, I thought I was a sport just because I was willing to do it until we started TTWD. Then in my research I came across (and watched) some porn and realized I was pretty lame in comparison. I'm not saying you should go all porn star (I personally find it gross when they spit on the cock, ewww why is that sexy?) but new moves are never discouraged, especially if you've been using the same stale moves.  If you'd like some further information check out this link on Reddit (make sure to read the comments from the guys as they give some awesome advice to add to the column.) 

6) Always Be Ready.  This is a hard one for me, because as I groom for him, I imagine being with him, which makes me ready for sex like all the time.  However, if your man is like mine and you don't know when he'll be in the mood, you will never miss the opportunity if you are always ready.  Husband goes to bed before me because he gets up earlier for his job. I get into bed every night in a sexy chemise, freshly showered, shaved, perfumed, teeth brushed. Do I get lucky every night? No, but I am always ready if he wakes up in the middle of the night and wants me, I am there.  If his alarm goes off and he wants to use that morning hard on - I am ready.  Sometimes it is hard to lay there, all ready for sex while he is sleeping away, but it is worth it for the times I slip into bed and he grabs me around the waist and pulls me against him, so I can feel his erection pushing against my ass, because he's been waiting for me. 

See, isn't that sexier than complaining that he doesn't have sex with you enough?  Better than bratting for a spanking, better than bitching to your girlfriends, better than eating a tub of ice cream while you bemoan your lack of sex?  Better than crying, beating yourself up or becoming depressed?  Hopefully this will work for you, and if not I am sorry, I truly am, because I know how hard it can be when your libido is on high speed and his is running slower.  Just remember #1 and keep trying.

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Running Away From Home

I think I may be having a mid-life crisis.  Or maybe it's just because it's summertime but all I want to do is run away from my responsibilities and have some fun.

Husband hears me, but he has his feet firmly planted in reality, responsibilities and duties and he is not a shirker.  This is usually a good thing - in fact a GREAT thing.  These traits are what makes him my rock, the man that I can rely on...

But oh, I want to play, I want to dance, I want to have sex until we can't possibly orgasm anymore, I walk bowlegged and it hurts to sit down.  I want to drink alcoholic beverages and be silly.  I want to dance until I can't dance anymore.  Then I want to do it all again and again and again...

Instead I am going to clean out the litter boxes and wipe down the bathrooms before running errands and going to work.  Not the same thing at all... I'm afraid I'm a bit of a brat because I want what I want and I don't want to be responsible, I don't want to be a grown up, I don't want to do my duties or go to work or do anything except have fun!  I think I may need some discipline!

Monday, July 28, 2014

Double or Nothing - Chapter 7

He began to spank her buttocks gently but firmly with his hand.  She squirmed a bit in panic until she realized that it didn't really hurt.  She began to relax into it, even arching her back to receive the spanking.  He stopped and began to gently rub her ass.

Jayne’s ass felt hot and amazingly the spanking had made her even wetter than before.  She pressed her ass more firmly into the hand that was rubbing her and he tightened his grip around her waist. 

“That was your warm up.  This will be your punishment.  I have told you that I find you beautiful, but apparently you don’t believe me, Gabe said as he began to spank her with the hair brush.

Smack! Smack! Smack!

Jayne cried out and tried to move away but his arm held her in place.

“So this spanking, (Smack!) is to drive home (Smack!) the fact that you are never (Smack), EVER (Smack!) to question the beauty (Smack!) of your body (Smack!) again,” Gabe said.

The pain was intense, but Jayne was thriving on it.  It never occurred to her to say stop, instead she abandoned herself to Gabe and felt every blow as it seemed to radiate from her ass, to her vaginal area, warming her whole body and causing her nipples to ache.

Gabe stopped spanking and ran his hands over her reddened cheeks.  He slipped a finger into her and was relieved to feel how much the spanking was exciting her. 

He slipped another finger inside her and pressed against her vaginal wall, feeling the anal plug through the thin membrane.  Jayne was writhing on his fingers now, vainly trying to find relief and he began to spank her again with his free hand, leaving his fingers buried inside of her.

Jayne began to sob, feeling the hairbrush against her buttocks again and again as she thrust mindlessly against his hand.  Suddenly he stopped and pulled her so that she was laying sprawled on top of him.  He began to kiss her passionately, his hands everywhere and she cried out her need for him.  She was begging incoherently and she couldn't stop herself, 

“Please…, let me please…., I want…., please…,” she whimpered as she tried to straddle him.

Gabe rolled them onto their sides, stroking her face, kissing her.  “What is it, what do you want?” he gently teased as he ran his hands lightly across her body.

“You, I want you, I want you inside me, please” she begged.  Gabe disentangled himself, got on his knees and stretched to reach the nightstand to grab a condom.  She looked up at his cock, bobbing in front of her face. 

“Open your mouth,” he commanded.

Jayne obediently opened her mouth and he pushed his huge cock into it.

“Suck it,” he ordered harshly and she did, abandoning herself and shamelessly moaning as he thrust in her mouth repeatedly.

He pulled out and smoothly rolled the condom onto his cock.  Laying on his back he pulled Jayne astride him.  She was so eager to have him inside, so wet and ready, but as slick as she was she had to go slow to adjust to his size.  It didn’t help that the plug in her ass felt so large.  She rocked up and back down a few times, adjusting to his girth and then let herself slide onto his cock, moaning as he stretched her.  She cried out as she felt his entire length sliding up into her.  Jayne gasped as he rolled his hips and settled her firmly against him and the last inch of him was shoved home.

She was so hot and tight Gabe felt his eyes roll back as her slick heat embraced every inch of him.  She began to rock her hips in small movements.  She was so tight and her rocking movements tugged at his cock, making him even harder.  He sat up and began to suck on her nipples and she began to rock faster, groaning.  He used his hands to press her breasts together and suck both nipples into his mouth simultaneously.  She arched back and screamed, “Oh God, yes, like that” as he thrust his hips upward so that her clitoris was rubbing against his pubic bone.  He could feel the anal plug through the thin wall, rubbing almost painfully against him.  She tightened even harder around him and then she came.

Friday, July 25, 2014

Fifty Shades Of Grey vs Reality

I have posted before that Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey have ruined my expectations.  Because the books were so good?  Umm, no.  Because the sex scenes in it were so hot?  Again, no.  Because it opened you to the world of BDSM?  Nope (and I know a lot of people who practice true BDSM, S&M, D&D, etc. HATE this book series). The reason 50 Shades of Grey ruined me is simple - my reality involves a whole lot of vanilla responsibilities that they seem to skip right over in the book.  

For example you're probably saying - Roxanne, why are you blogging?  This is your much anticipated (begged for and planned for) time to reconnect with your husband.  Well, a family emergency happened literally as I was attaching the thigh highs to my garter belt last night.  Everyone is fine, which is the most important thing, however I had to quickly exchange my lace chemise and stockings for jeans and a sweatshirt to go pick the children up and bring them back home.  This does not happen in the books.  Or, if it were to happen it would happen AFTER the hot, steamy sex.  Although we did manage to fit some in there late at night.  But it wasn't the swing from the chandeliers, run around naked, make noises with abandon because we have the house to ourselves and we don't have to worry about being heard sex that we had anticipated.

(To give my husband his due, somehow he took me from being quite tense and upset that our plans had been canceled to a melted, completely satiated woman who's thighs wouldn't stop shaking with aftershocks... yes, he's that kind of good!)

I do credit the popularity of the book with being able to discuss my needs with my husband.  He wondered what I was reading and that opened up the dialogue that led to this thing we do.  So I will probably go see the movie, just because I have a nostalgic fondness for the two characters that allowed me to speak up about what I need, who caused me to investigate further and find this blogging community that is so supportive.  

Thursday, July 24, 2014

I can't wait!

I plan on being busy for the next few days, and I can't even say that I am sorry because I NEED this weekend and have been fantasizing about it for a LONG time.  But I can post some links to some other wonderful blogs that inspire me.  I know they will keep you entertained until I return...

My Personal Thinking Spot

A Voice in the Corner

Me, My Husband and I

play fullilbrat

The Taming of the Shrew

A Domestic Discipline Society (ADDS)

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Double or Nothing - Chapter 6

Gabe looked down at her, disheveled, tied up and eager for more.  Her eyes were begging for more.  He laid down next to her, trying to control his urge to thrust inside her.  He wanted to do everything he had promised before he gained his own release, but it was hard not to give in to his own raging desires.  He slipped a hand between her open legs, gently slapping her clitoris.  

She couldn't close her legs, she couldn't stop him and her clit was standing up erectly, begging for attention.  She gasped as the light slaps echoed in the room, turning red as she distinctly heard the wet sound, she was outrageously wet.

 He slipped a finger into her and she clenched it tightly trying to keep him inside her.  He thrust his finger in and out and then added a second finger.  She moaned and whimpered as he shifted on the bed so he could watch his fingers sliding in and out of her.  Jayne felt the orgasm building and tightened against his hand.  Abruptly he slid his fingers out, slapping her clitoris again lightly as he slipped one finger into her ass. 

Jayne, half screamed as she felt his finger invading her, but before she could protest she felt his tongue licking her clitoris.  Then she did scream, the pleasure building sharply, and again he stopped, slipping his finger out and standing up.

She was ready to cry in frustration.  He grabbed the anal plug from the night stand and a tube from the drawer and came back to sit beside her. 

“I can’t, I never,” she gasped as she looked at the silver plug in his hand.  He kissed her until she was breathless and then moved down to her nipples, removing the coils and massaging each breast, tonguing her nipples and pulling them with his fingertips.  She closed her eyes and was lost in the sensations when she felt the cold metal against her bottom.

Jayne opened her mouth to protest when she felt his mouth clamp over her clitoris.  She voluntarily spread her legs as far as she could within the confines of the rope, trying to give him more access as she felt his tongue sliding back and forth across her swollen nub. 

Gabe slid the plug in slowly, pushing it a bit deeper with each swipe of his tongue.  Jayne thought his tongue might seriously drive her crazy as he went from teasing her clit with suction from his mouth, to long smooth strokes of his tongue. She felt the pressure of the plug against her anus, but then her mind was overwhelmed by the magic of his mouth.  She tried to press up against his tongue and felt the plug slide in.  The burn of  the plug melded with the pleasure of his mouth and she strained for more.   She could feel the plug stretching her, the fullness of it making her more responsive as she longed for him to fill her with his cock. He raised his mouth from her pussy and she cried out in frustration.

He began to untie her, slowly moving his mouth along the places the ropes had been.  She looked so beautiful tied, but now, seeing the lines where the rope had been was just as lovely.  As soon as Jayne was free she tried to wrap her arms around him, but Gabe shook his head and looked down at her.

When she felt his eyes sweeping down her body, she crossed her arms in front of her breasts.

“Oh, Jayne,” he said sorrowfully, but with a twinkle in his eyes, “I thought I had made myself clear.  You are not to hide from me”.

“I’m sorry”, she muttered opening her arms reluctantly. 

“No, you’re not, but you will be,” Gabe said as he grabbed some pillows and piled them in the center of the bed. “Lay over the pillows and get ready for your spanking,” he commanded her.

Jayne sat up, “You aren't serious,” she said, but she felt her stomach twist with excitement. 

He leaned over and kissed her until she melted against him, “Oh, I’m very serious,” he growled. 

She tentatively lay across the pillows.  “Slide up further,” he instructed, positioning her so that her hips were on the pillow and her head and shoulders were laying down. 

She could feel his gaze on her and could imagine what he was seeing.  Her ass up in the air, the plug showing.  Jayne squirmed in embarrassment as he spread her legs further apart.

Gabe placed his arm firmly around her waist.  “Don’t move,” he growled.

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

It's Like Magic

I tread a fine line between blogging my innermost thoughts and my husband's personal business, he is fine with my blog because it gets me writing, doesn't mind my sharing intimate sexual details (under a nom de plume of course), but he is a private person.  If you want to hear more about how he feels you can see it in the "Behind the Scenes" post).

So, I've shared with you how far we've come from the beginning of our journey or rather the fact that DD has been on the back burner for over a year.  I didn't really share why it is on the back burner because that is husband's personal business, but trust me, he is not purposely neglecting me.  Even though I understood that, I've been sad, I've mourned the loss of it, I found my way back to my blog....then I became more frustrated, more sad, more upset. I felt like the magic was gone.

I told you I wanted to take that trip, To husband I hinted, I planned, I cajoled...

BUT, I was still somewhat submissive (although not so much in my mind).  I slid back into my old habits just like he did  (sweats and hair up in a clip, no make-up, kind of messy house) because really, why bother?  He wasn't noticing anyway.  Although I found that as I began to re-read my blog I began to straighten my act out a bit. So I was getting back in my groove, dressed nice, hair done, makeup... but in my mind I was very resentful. I didn't actually say anything, I was still verbally submissive.

Until yesterday, when I was told that we absolutely would not be going on the trip. Then, I had a complete break down, starting with snarky comments, followed by snapping out my "demands" and finishing by bursting into tears.  I didn't storm out of the house (I thought about it), I didn't throw things (I wanted to), I tried to articulate what I need (I couldn't).

He took me in my office, closed the door and talked to me for over an hour.

He explained a lot of where his mind has been for the last few months and did it in a way that I could understand.  His distance from me had absolutely nothing to do with me. He never stopped his HOH duties, just his discipline of me.  Compared to the other balls he is juggling it seemed a minor thing (to him) to let go of and he did not realize that his withdrawal affected me so much.

After that I was able to articulate my need for time with him to reconnect and re-establish TTWD .

Compromises were made, goals were set and a mini stay-cation (staying home without children) is set for Thursday-Saturday.

It's like magic!  As soon as he re-established his authority and took charge of how we would accomplish meeting my needs, all of my anxiety was gone.  So today I am so peaceful - it really is amazing that simply by telling me what he expected from me could wipe out the crazy anxiety, worries and fears that have been spinning in my mind for months now.  Like poof - they are gone.

I will say that for me TTWD keeps me motivated and while I love spanking (I do, I really do!) what really makes me tick is his taking charge.  I love submitting to him in every way.

Our night was phenomenal to say the least.  That is an entirely different post.

But, as this stay-cation is primarily to re-establish our roles, I have a feeling I will be blogging standing up this weekend! But I'm not complaining.  It is so good to have him back!