As I vented to you yesterday, even the best fantasy can be shredded when reality keeps cutting in. I tried the blue balcony bra again yesterday, but I'm starting to think it is not a lucky bra because it does not get me the results it should. I even unzipped my hoody a bit more so that more cleavage would show. Unfortunately my husband caught me in the act of tugging the zipper down further, which amused him. He was easily amused yesterday and in a teasing mood - but I was flat out getting pissy.
Dinner was easy (no doggy doo-doo, thank goodness!), I made homemade cookies afterwards and while cleaning up the kitchen reminded my husband that my show would be on tonight and that I wanted to watch it. It was "Our America with Lisa Ling re-airing "Shades of Kink".
(You can see the schedule by clicking here.)
It was to be airing on "E" in my area last night. Because it is an obviously adult topic, I wanted to watch it in our bedroom. Unfortunately my husband explained that our television in our bedroom does not get that channel and I would have to watch it in the living room. Fine, but that means all children had to be in bed before it came on. I explained to the children that mommy was going to watch a grown up show and that I needed everyone in bed on time - which I felt was more than fair - I rarely watch TV (I'd rather read) so me requesting TV time is kind of unprecedented in our house.
I went in the bathroom to take my bath before the show aired. I had disinfected and cleaned the whole thing earlier that day so it was actually a joy to take my bath. The bathroom was clean and fresh and I had even washed the shower curtain and rehung it fresh from the washer. Everything looked shiny and bright and smelled nice. There was plenty of hot water and I pulled the shower curtain back, turned on the hot water to fill the tub and went into the laundry room to get my clean robe for after. Ahh, plenty of hot water - "Just what the Dr. ordered," I thought as I sank in to the heat. Except...
When I washed the shower curtain I didn't have a full load. I hate to run only one thing through and I looked for somethings to add to the load. I grabbed a towel used for the dogs paws and a rag rug. Unfortunately, unbeknownst to me, one of the hairy beasts had decided to sleep on either the towel or the rug at some point. My shower curtain, the towel and rugs are all dark shades of blue so I didn't see the hair. Because I hung the shower curtain straight from the washer to let it dry on the curtain rod, dog hair must have been all over it. Being a slick, waterproof material the curtain dried quickly, apparently shedding doggy hairs as it dried. Many of them. Many, many, many of them... So, when I pulled the curtain back to fill the tub it must have caused them all to fall off the curtain and into the tub.
I was sitting in hot water with floating hair... a lot of floating hair. Are you disgusted and gagging yet? Because I sure was! Infuriated and grossed out I pulled the plug, grabbed some soap and my razor the wash up in the shower. Except...
I had used all the hot water filling the tub. Shaving in cold water is difficult given the goosebumps all over my body. Shaving delicate areas while shivering and trying to hurry is not pleasant. Screw this - I am NOT washing my hair.
Fuming, cold, aggravated beyond measure I storm out of the bathroom and into the living room. To discover all of my men watching a hockey game. On the only TV that I can use. For the show that started two minutes ago.
Bitchy is an understatement.
I drive them all out of "my" room in a fury. After children have been banished I finally put on my show.
"Are you ****ing kidding me?" I scream at the television. My show is not on. Even though the information says it is on - I hit info on my remote control.
“THE REAL 50 SHADES OF GREY" REVEALS THE MYSTERIOUS WORLD EXPOSED BY THE CONTROVERSIAL BESTSELLING BOOK SERIES"
Um yeah... that's what is supposed to be on, but this is not what I see. What I see is women making a music video... WTF? Husband comes in to see what I am yelling about. He is amused... I am NOT amused.
Storm into the bedroom, throw robe on the floor, grab a long cotton nightgown out of the drawer and flop into bed. He is still standing in the doorway watching me. "You okay?" he asks.
Let the Bitch Fest Begin starting with dog crap and dog hair and ending with "I'm just going to sleep!"
He puts the hockey game on in our room and sits there watching it. I glower with my face on the pillow facing the other way. He watches the game until the end, while I lay there and list all of my anger causing, unfair, aggravating events in my mind and start to drift into sleep.
He click off the television and lays next to me, placing ice cold feet on the back of my calves. "Your feet are freezing," I exclaim and try to pull away. "I know, my hands are too," he says, "but you're not." He reaches down and pulls my night gown up over my ass and places his hands on it. "You seem nice and warm, but I bet I can make you even warmer," he says as he begins to squeeze.
Aggravation magically disappears as I turn onto my stomach to give him more access. Mmm- nice rubbing and squeezing. But then he begins to squeeze a cheek up nice and plump and then as he releases, smack. This turned into a really awesome rhythm, hard squeeze, hard smack alternating cheeks. I began to relax into it and then he began to spank me in earnest, quick, hard, rapid fire spanks that had me grabbing onto the arm he placed around me. "Oh was that five? I think I lost count. I guess I'll have to start over..." he teased as he continued his assault. He switched cheeks but then claimed to have lost count again - honestly I didn't care - I just wanted him to keep going!
Then he began to spank even harder for being, "Bitchy," and "Pissy" and "Bratty" and then for being an "Ungrateful Little Brat" (which for some reason really sunk in - I really was being ungrateful, I have so much to be grateful for! I am so glad that he said it - it was just the mental adjustment I needed).
He slid his fingers down and checked how wet I was. I rolled onto my back to be open for him. It felt so good and I spread my legs wider as he began to slide his fingers into me. Serious orgasm building up and then "Smack" right on my pussy. I involuntarily closed my legs and he roughly parted them again. "Smack, smack, smack..." I closed my legs again (I can't help it - it's instinct!) and turned on my side.
He began to spank me on my ass again and then I felt his hands in my hair pulling me upright. I thought he was pulling me back into position for more spanking, but he used my hair to turn my head and shoved his hard cock into my mouth.
"Take it!," he commanded and shoved it deep. I gagged and he pulled me up by my hair. "Take it," he said, shoving it back in, "Take all of it!"
I tried, I really did, but he is so big and I ended up gagging again. He fisted his hand in my hair and roughly fucked my face.
Then he was spanking me again - or was he spanking me while his cock was in my mouth? It all kind of gets blurry...
He pulled my nightgown over my head as he growled, "Give me those tits." And he sucked as much as he could into his mouth hard...
I wish I could tell this more coherently...I honestly don't know what I am not remembering at this point - it was all blurry in a fantastic sensory overload and I do mean a seriously fantastic overload!
I do know that once he was inside me he grabbed my hair and made me focus on his eyes. He kissed me and asked, "Do you love me?" "Yes, yes, I love you so much..."
He slid in and out of me as he kissed me deeply and then stopped and held me still... "Do you like having my cock inside you?" "Yes, please, it feels so good..."
He held me tightly against him, his cock buried deep inside of me, "Then come for me, come all over my cock!"
And I did, and I did again, and again... and when he pulled out he knelt on the bed and sprayed it all over my tits - I opened my mouth like a porn star and he shot it over my face.
I was a puddle of mush, boneless... he went and brought me a hot washcloth so I could clean up. After we cleaned up I lay there and felt my legs tremble and tremble until it finally struck me funny and I laughed. "What's so funny?" he asked sleepily. "My legs," I mumbled back somewhat incoherently...
Now, I can tell you this (why stop sharing now, right?)- I really could have used a longer and harder spanking - I felt like it was just starting to reset my mood and I wasn't ready for him to stop- but submission means he is in charge and I am in such a better place of mind today.
A lot of Domestic Discipline I read about is more intense than what I get from my husband, so sometimes I wish it was longer or harder. I actually want him to be more demanding and I want him to spank me longer/harder (or at least I think I do!) or "make" me do more than I do. He is not a harsh task master at all. But a lot of BDSM I read is too much for me (I guess I like soft BDSM if that is a phrase) so that makes a fine line for him to walk. Plus, I know he seriously has an issue with hurting me - I think he is working through it just fine though:)- so I know that my line and his line probably have a bit of a gap between them.
If he likes to do it light than that is fine with me - the fact that he is dominating/disciplining, or taking control is what trips my trigger more so then the pain/pleasure part. But when I fantasize about discipline it is more intense than what we have actually done. I fantasize about him spanking me until I am begging him to stop - and then he takes it just a bit further. Also, I loved that he called me "Bratty" and "An Ungrateful Little Brat" - I really do! It's just what I needed to hear! I love that he is getting more verbal in the bedroom - OMG - his voice turns me on! Just thinking about the things he said last night gets me excited!
Like I said yesterday - when we are in full swing the reality is way better than any fantasy could be! So dog hair, doggy doo-doo, sick children and all - I love our Fun House!
Welcome to blogland, sorry I'm late in saying so. I just found you via Mr. BBSpanker.
ReplyDeleteI am very submissive to my Ward, but in the beginning I did tell him that he could spank me harder, and acknowledged that it was entirely his choice. He is still feeling you out, he may not know quite how to interpret your physical cues yet. And it is okay to tell him. It's also okay to ask for spanking.
I was trepidatious in the beginning, thinking if I did those things I was topping from the bottom. But Ward assured me that it is in fact submissive, it is an expression of your need and desire for him and his Dominance. You're not demanding anything, you're merely offering him your greater capacity... if that makes sense.
I like that June... "Offering him your greater capacity..." You're right, it's new to him too. I think a part of him is still getting used to how responsive it makes me. Plus, just like it is hard for us to trust, for a HOH it must be hard too - wondering if it will last, wondering how far we are willing to go...
DeleteIt is difficult for them, my Ward can confirm that :) It doesn't last long, the more you reinforce where you have been and forge a little bit further ahead, each time you forge new pathways, trust grows. It's a journey, what may be no today, may be an enthusiastic yes tomorrow :)
Delete