Thursday, January 31, 2013

50 Shades of Reality

Do you know I never see children hanging on the woman in a Gil Elvgren picture?  Nor does she ever look anything but sexy!  She never has a cold, she's never wearing sweats, she's never having a fat day!  She appeals to me because she is sexy all the time... and that would be because she's not real.  Oh, she's based on reality but she is not a part of reality...

Reality...this is one of the areas where 50 Shades of Grey left me cold.  There was nothing realistic about their relationship.  He was a bazillionare, she was naturally thin, young and gorgeous, she loved her in-laws and they loved her, she never had another lover ... you know - everything is perfect.

I'd like to see the 50 Shades of Aftermath... when she has fat rolls and stretch marks, his company is in trouble so he actually is working 60 plus hours a week, she is chasing the children around, running them to their activities and helping them with homework.  Plus, his business really got in trouble so they're on a budget, she has to cook and clean while he busts his buns, they have a home cooked meal, finally get all of their offspring into bed and then...  How much do you want to bet that the torture chamber room is covered with a fine layer of dust as she does the evening dishes and he falls into an exhausted sleep on the recliner in front of the television?

Not such a fun read anymore!  But reality does have a nasty way of intruding on my otherwise very pleasant, very sexy, very submissive state of mind. 

After blogging some of my fantasies yesterday I was in a great state of mind.  I got dressed in a very hot balcony bra with matching panties under my pants and sweater.  Hair and makeup freshened I awaited his arrival.   Pleasant dinner with the children and one of their friends who stayed for dinner. 

Then the dog pooped on the floor.  Of course she chose to do it in the room with carpeting.  Yep, nothing says sexy like a woman cleaning up doggy doo-doo.  Plus, the aroma that wafted around to mix with the after dinner smells in the air - oh yeah, sexy!  Clean up, open windows, do the dishes, etc.  Then I drive the friend home, put the children to bed, take my bath and... snore.  Yep, he is sleeping away.  So I lay there contemplating sleep.  Click, click, click, click - dogs toenails on the floor.  Maybe she needs to go out again.  No, it's raining out.  Click, click, click, click - FINE!  Get my naked butt out of bed, wrap a towel around me because I left my robe in the laundry room.  Let the dogs out, let them back in after wiping muddy paws (all while naked)... fume my way into the bathroom to turn on the exhaust fan and have a sneaky cigarette because I am just so aggravated.  Brush my teeth again, freshen up again, return to bed - snore...

So I lay there, aggravated, frustrated, sexually needy.  I completely blame Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey for my unrealistic expectations.

Also, even if my husband had time to read my blog yesterday, which I doubt (he rarely reads it -usually only if I ask him to but ... well, I kind of had hopes he would read it and I would get some interesting texts today) #3 is home sick so even that hope is kabashed.  I have received two texts this morning (and was kind of excited each time even though it couldn't really happen) but neither were from him.

The silver lining in my inability to sleep last night was that I did come up with a pretty good plot for a story... and I plan on pouring myself into it today.  Because writing a fictional story today is better than last night's reality. 

But when everything comes together?  When my husband isn't tired and we actually get privacy? My reality is better than any fantasy - I just need to be patient until all the stars align again!


  1. I'm sorry I just had to laugh when the dog pooped on the floor. That could have been our house.They scratch at the bedroom door and seem to have to go out to do their business at the most inopportune times. Real life does have a way of putting a damper on things.

    1. Mrs. D. - it was probably a good thing I was naked when I had to let her out in the middle of the night. I'm usually patient but... yes, real life does tend to complicate things!

  2. Ooops - what I meant by the "good thing I was naked" was that I didn't have any weapons on me or I may have had to hurt someone - came out kind of funny and now my explanation sounds even worse - lol - I promise, my dogs are my babies - it was the aggravation level I was trying to convey... and I just keep digging that hole deeper don't I?


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