OK, so I read 50 Shades of Grey... so I became 50 Shades of curious... I wrote my husband a letter describing a scene I had pictured in my mind... and he very generously acted the entire role play out. Outstanding, Amazing... but something was missing.
So I continued to read everything I could find on the subject. Some were hot reads, some were instructional, some were religious and some plain grossed me out! But I definitely reacted the most strongly to a site called Taken in Hand (www.takeninhand.com) and started sending my husband links to some of their articles.
I guess what I am trying to say is that this has been a process. We didn't jump into this quickly and we are still finding our way. I was the initiator of the whole thing, and while my husband is very much the alpha male, he also loves me very much so the whole concept of "hurting" me was very hard for him to digest. He was also concerned that this would put him in the role of "task master" and after working 12 hour days he would not want to have to "correct" me, or as he put it, "you should be doing this because you want to - not because I am making you. You're a grown woman..." etc.
But as we experimented, we found our marriage getting stronger and stronger (and our sex life getting hotter and hotter) so we continued to work more domestic discipline into our relationship. I have so much more respect for him now, and there are so many arguments we had in the past that could have been gainsaid if I only would have realized that only one of us can captain our ship. I know that I am fully capable of earning my own living, running the show and being in control of everything - but I was not happy or fulfilled. I was stressed out and miserable. We spent 10 years struggling in our marriage because we had different approaches to the same goals and we were constantly tripping each other up (and I've apologized to him now that I see the many ways I undermined my husband). I never meant to cause him as much pain as I have - I was trying to make things better and was only making things worse instead of turning it over to him and allowing him to be the man I married.
I told my husband that to be completely submissive was my New Years Resolution but that I needed him to come fully on board.
And that is what led to this blog.
We've agreed to 365 Days of Submission. Which means that I am going to be the submissive in our relationship for the next year and we will see at the end of the year how it works for us and then decide if we want it to continue.
For the duration of this time I will be a stay at home mom, keeping the house clean, taking care of the children, taking care of the family schedule and cooking all of the meals. With allowing me to stay at home we are taking my pay out of the budget which means I need to make a menu (meals including lunches and snacks) that should be under $150/week.
My husband does the grocery shopping (I've been known to impulse purchase so this helps us stay in our budget), he also fills the car with gas for me each week. If I need extra money I can ask and he has the right to say yes or no to my request. (Please remember if this sounds archaic that he is very generous and would only say no to me if there was no money to give - this is just another way for us to stay on budget).
I've set myself up with rules and we set up one disciplinary day per week (he has one day when he works from home) where we can deal with any major infractions and/or maintenance spankings (again the spankings are my request, but I am hoping he gets more on board with them as the days go by - it is very hot for me when he does it!).
The rules for the house are as follows:
- Laundry to be done daily - if a load a day is done then there is never a pile up
- Floors vacuumed daily - (we have two dogs, a cat and three children - the floors need a daily sweep)
- House is to be company ready by noon each day
- Weekly chores to be completed according to Flylady (www.flylady.net)
- Poop patrol weekly in the winter - daily in good weather (again - two dogs)
- Snack and Homework to be done before Dad gets home (less stress in the evenings)
- Dinner to be ready at 6:30 PM each night
Now my husband is wonderful - he wouldn't expect me to do all of that if I had the flu, but on an ongoing basis those would be the rules for the house. And let me tell you, compared to trying to do that AND working - this is heavenly!
The rules for me (self imposed) are as follows:
- Wake up in time to see husband out the door with a hug and kiss (5:30 AM)
- Bathed and shaved and dressed in sexy sleepwear every night (except for once a month)
- No panties in bed - just camisole or teddy
- Wear a sexy outfit including garter belt, stockings and heels every Disciplinary Day
- Wear a dress, garter belt, stocking and heels whenever we go out somewhere together
- To be available at anytime, any place to indulge in the sexual activities of his choice
- During the time each month that I am not available for all sexual activities I am still available for oral gratification at anytime of his choosing.
- To be dressed with hair and makeup done everyday so that I always look my best, for him and as a reflection of him as I am his wife. Included in this is sexy underwear and matching bras under my clothes. I may have on jeans and a sweater, but underneath it I am always ready for him.
- To write each day, both on my blog and also work on my short stories and novel. I was an English major in college, but never pursued my dream to write. My husband is giving me the opportunity to follow my dreams now and I want to make sure I take full advantage of this opportunity.
I also have a personal mission to lose 60 pounds before the end of the year. This is part of my maintenance spanking (at my request - I asked for 60 swats to start each Discipline Day with the number to go down as I lose weight - now if that does not give me incentive, I don't know what will!). Along with that come daily exercise (worth 10 if not done) and drinking 8 glasses of water each day (1 apiece). Which could add up to a really painful Discipline Day - so I need to keep on my toes.
It is up to me to keep track of any infractions, so that on Discipline Day I can present him with what I feel is owed for my discipline that week.