5) What made you decide to try this? This is actually my favorite question! Our marriage hadn't been what I would call "good" for years - I would say at least ten years or so we were struggling to hold on. Luckily we both took our vows seriously and stuck it out - I am so grateful that we did. The more I tried to fix it, the worse it got. We would have sex (which has always been good) and I would feel close to my husband again. Then we would go for weeks - even months (the longest was 6 months when I was working nights) without any sex. I was resentful, he was resentful, we were both trying our hardest and we both felt the other was holding us back. I was sure he was having an affair, he was sure I was. We would simmer and then blow up at each other - usually over something stupid. I felt like he no longer wanted me, he felt like I was undermining him and not appreciating him (although the man is NOT verbal, so he never said it like that - it wasn't until later that I realized how much my actions were hurting him and causing him to act the way he did). A friend recommended the erotic novel 50 Shades of Grey. I was incredibly aroused by some of the scenes described and that made me want to try some of the activities - a little letter and some lingerie got my husband to try it with me. I found out that I really like spanking and a little pain mixed with my pleasure. But, once again, we had incredible sex, felt incredibly close for a few days and then it fizzled back out (because sex was not the underlying issue). I read the book Simple Abundance, which made me begin to appreciate everything I had (that was when I began to see some of the little things my husband did for me and our children - little every day things to show us how much he loves us). I had really enjoyed the erotica in 50 Shades of Grey, so I began to look for more stories online (who knew that there was a large population of people that are just as kinky as me? I love Google!) and came across a story that was about Domestic Discipline. Wow, that got me interested - I had never even heard of Domestic Discipline before. Eventually I found www.takeninhand.com and that led me to the book "The Surrendered Wife," by Laura Doyle. As we added more and more elements to our marriage, we found our marriage getting better and better and our sex life getting hotter and hotter. So here we are... and we'll see how this evolves for us.
When I was first dating my husband, I remember thinking he was the first "man" I dated - the rest were all boys compared to him. He knew who he was, what he wanted and the best way to get it. That was very attractive to me. Once we were married though, I would constantly suggest different approaches or criticize (without meaning to) the way he did things, because it wasn't the way I would handle those situations. I was constantly questioning his ability and undermining him - of course it wasn't intentional - we just see things differently. It wasn't that our goals were different, it was that our approaches were. We were stuck in a constant battle to show the other we were right... and we were both losing. I overlooked a lot of the everyday things he did to show me he loved me - because he wasn't showing me the way I thought he should, by verbally telling me how much I meant to him, or with hearts and flowers. Instead he was showing me with his actions. I wasn't appreciative of those actions, which made him withdraw even further. I am so glad that we found what works best for us. I see every day how much he loves me and our children. I can trust that he wants what is best for me and our family. I no longer have the need for him to do things "my way" - I love that he handles things in his own way. I am so much happier now.