Waiting for him to make his move...

I remember reading a post (and I am sorry that I cannot remember who's it was - if you read this let me know so I can credit you!) where they spoke of how Taken In Hand can color your whole world at the beginning, kind of "spanko-vision" where you pick up on other couples signals, or you see implements in ordinary kitchen utensils (I know I saw pastel colored whisks and rubber spatulas laid out on display for Easter baking and thought hmm...).  But for me, the biggest challenge with this is the "always being ready" rule.  

I mean, I've always practiced good hygiene, but I'm talking about the level you take it to for your lover.  The long groom you do when you know that you will be having sex.  I think a lot of women, (or at least this was my experience), we are so busy when the children are small - we're lucky if we can shave one leg before we are interrupted so our toiletries become hurried and hit or miss.  I made sure I was clean and neat, my teeth were brushed and if I was going somewhere I put on makeup (I excused myself from wearing make up at home - I was letting my skin "breathe").  I certainly wasn't putting in the effort I would when I was single or first married and if I did put forth the effort it was because I was going to work or we were going out - not often just for him - to be honest that was a rarity, maybe if we had a night alone and I had time to get all ready.

Before we began bringing Taken In Hand into our relationship we weren't having sex that often, so I guess I began to slide a bit (okay, a lot) as far as the sexual grooming went.  If my undergarments didn't have holes in them, supported me and were comfortable, they were fine (can you say granny panties?).  I chose my clothing for practicality and comfort, not to catch the eye of my husband.  I dressed professionally for work and comfortably for home.  My legs and underarms would be shaved, but other areas were a bit wild to say the least.  Lotion, maybe if I had time.  Perfume, usually if I was going out, or for work, but not at home.

In Gone With The Wind, by Margaret Mitchell, our heroine Scarlett thinks back on all of the flirtatious movements, ways of smiling up at a man, the looks you could send them, all of the tricks she learned to use when she was single that she can no longer do now that she is a widow.  "No, it didn't seem right to learn all these smart tricks and then put them away forever." 

Well, I am starting to remember all of those tricks, and what better person to use all of my feminine wiles on then my husband?  There is just one catch, it's a never ending cycle.  The more I dress for him and groom myself for him, the more feminine I feel and the more I want to "catch" him, the more he evades, the more I want him.  

Which would be great, but we have three children and a busy schedule, so I can't always get what I want.  Which means I am always ready, almost constantly thinking about sex (either the sex we've had already or the sex we might have later) and I can't do anything about it!  So last night I came to bed all ready for some action, but the children weren't tired until later than usual and my husband was feeling a bit under the weather so he went to bed early.  Can I just say I was frustrated right down to my satin underwear?

I feel like the girl in Willy Wonka - "I want it now, I want it all!"  I tossed and turned all night last night and when my husband woke me up at 6:00 AM he didn't do it nicely at all.  Just "Okay, I'm leaving now, time to get up," to which I responded with all of my feminine wiles.  Meaning I stuck my tongue out at him and pulled the sheet over my head and told him he was mean.  "Why am I mean?" he asked and out popped the shrew, the nag, the *itch - complaining that he didn't touch me last night.  Yep, I'm sure that was sexy... me trying to control when and how often, yep... sexy as hell I'm sure.

Of course, if I would have been fully awake I wouldn't have said it.  In fact, when he returned an hour later I was up, dressed, hair done and apologized.  But I am afraid that I am breaking the cardinal rule (or one of them) that I learned when I was young and single: Men like a challenge.  They like to breach the walls, storm the beaches, conquer (rape and pillage - see where my mind goes?).  Where is the challenge in a wife who is constantly ready for and possibly nagging you for sex? 

Has anyone else had this issue?  I need to figure out a way to be constantly ready without being constantly "ready" and I don't know how.  I know that what I did this morning was not submissive, I was trying to dictate but really... I am so needy lately.  I need to figure out a way to tamp this down a bit.  I need to give him the chance to make his move...